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8-11-08

hi!  how are you?  last night we camped out in the woods of oregon.  matt made some bad ass potato soup over the campfire.  beer under the stars.  big fat moon through the trees.  sleeping on the floor of the forest is kinda awesome.  it made me wonder what it was like for those original homies making their way back in the early days.  of course i have those weird thoughts every time i camp out.  like, watching the fire boogie about i started thinking about the sun and the fire being essentially the same stuff.  ya know?  kinda cool.  i love the smell of the air in the woods.  so rich and fresh.  i could tell the trees were happy to have us hang!

this morning we drove up through washington state and crossed the border under the shadows of the clouds.  this world is so beautiful.  how do we not notice the beauty moment by moment!?!  so strange how distracting billboards and cellphones and bills can be.  i catch myself in moments of forgetting and gently bring myself back into awareness of the magic of the moment.  feel them bones!  breathe that breath!  what a buzz.  i love you guys and you love the world or you wouldn't be stickin' around through all the headaches and heartaches.  you da bomb digs.  love you!  see you!

c

8-10-08

hey there.  out on the road with matt pryor having tons of fun.  yesterday we drove through wyoming and as the mountains started to creep up, the rolling hills looked like a frozen ocean.  every day we try to find a local brewery to try different brews, which has been interesting and fun fun fun.  we ate at squatters brewery in salt lake city last night and matt and i both tried the Devastator, which is their strongest ale.  good!  it's a lot of fun being back in the van and seeing the gorgeous scrolling landscapes. 

so, we've played four shows and each show has been a blast.  i've been playing your requests which you guys emailed me, and also a bunch of requests taken at the show.  as an experiment, i've also been doing these super weird drawings and selling them.  the first night in minneapolis i sold out of all my drawings, so i figured if the demand is there, i'll keep doing them.  it's actually a lot of fun!  and since each drawing is totally one of a kind and definitely cannot be reproduced, whoever buys the drawings has a unique piece of chris conley memorabilia which no one else in the world can get their hands on.  fun.

today we have a day off and we're driving up into washington state to camp out and cook out before crossing the border into cananda for monday's show in vancouver.  stoked for a night in the woods.  and perhaps we'll find another brewery and sample their lager!  it's been great to hang out with all you guys at the shows.  it's nice to be face to face and share the smiles!  well, hope you're doing fine and i hope to see you soon at one of our shows!

c

8-06-08

hey there i'm in minneapolis today to start tour with matt pryor.  it's been way over a year since i played solo.  i'm excited for the intimacy.  i've been getting lots of emails about song requests for the shows.  thank you, that makes it easier for me to choose which songs to play out of the hundred plus in our catalogue, and i'm sure it's fun for you guys too. 

when i woke up i took three deep breaths and walked down stairs and out over the highway to the gas station to buy a bottle of water.  walking back, i noticed how thick and slimy the air was over the highway from all the carbon dioxide.  it was interesting, i was just reading in a book called "the complete guide to chi-gung" that the presence of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere makes it harder for our bodies to get enough oxygen, which in turn makes each organ work harder and exhausts the heart.  the author, daniel ried, was suggesting that when our bodies are not properly oxygenated, they get sick and irritable.  actually, he mentions an interesting discovery made in 1931 by Dr. Otto Warburg.  Dr. Warburg received the Nobel Prize in medicine that year for his discovery that "the primary condition associated with all forms of cancer is severe deprivation of oxygen to the cells of the affected tissues, and that cancer cannot occur in tissues that are sufficiently oxygenated."  pretty interesting, no? 

it's odd that a discovery like this is relatively ignored by western medicine.  have you ever had a doctor ask you about breathing patterns?  (although i suppose that would be pretty bad business for the big drug companies if everyone realized they could stay healthy by eating well and breathing consciously, instead of taking fifteen different pills.)  but essentially, the rise of cancer can be directly linked to the rising levels of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere.  there's hardly any clean oxygen anymore, although taking conscious deep breaths will help pump whatever fresh oxygen is there throughout the blood system, and will alleviate exhaustion.

my theory is that our bodies get bogged down by shitty food and pollution in the air we breathe, and when our bodies are run down, we get irritable and depressed and angry and then we break down and feel like we can't do a single thing and then self-loathing kicks in.  in reality, we're just unhealthy.  so much of our mental pollution is caused by environmental and nutritional pollution.  and on that note, if anybody coming to the shows with matt would like to prepare a vegetarian or vegan meal to bring to me at the show, i will gladly sit down and enjoy it with you and we can talk about life and the world.  let's get together and hang!  fun times shall ensue!  love you!

chris

he said to me, "i feel like it's strange that we forgot the beauty of life.  somehow along the way, the almighty dollar rose to the top of our list of priorities.  i wonder why, but then i realize, oh, well, the food was unobtainable unless one had money.  and food is actually the most important element to sustaining life, after oxygen and water.  so obviously, if you couldn't get what you needed simply because you had no loot, loot became the most important thing in life, only as a means to get what you need to stay alive.  now, what still leaves me stumped is the reason this system was set into motion.  why is money important?  because we accept the system of withholding basic needs.  why do we accept the system?  well, if you don't play along by getting Bs in school, working for the boss man and toiling away month after month, you get locked out of the food supply.  of course, we could all decide to ignore the system and be homeless.  reject the system.  yet while this life of money offers absolutely no reward or relief, neither does the homeless life.  the actual problem is not a problem of creating different social programs.  the problem is a problem with our vision.  we cannot envision a different world where we share and work to help one another, because we are forced to work so hard just to get our hands on the bare necessities.  if you decide to reject the system and show your disapproval by protest, you will be locked out of the grocery store.  you cannot feed yourself long enough to sustain the energy it takes to change people's heart and minds.  how can you envision a new world, and show it to people if the minute you step out of the assembly line, you are cut off from your food." 

"you could always dumpster dive," i said.  he smiled and said, "true, this is true.  and yet the world is in need.  the earth is calling to us.  it is showing it's signs of weakness, saying, please, i need your help, we need to work together, i will provide what you need if you remember how in love we used to be."  he looked off toward the almond trees blossoming white fireworks.  "i love this world."  he said, "i want to reach out and hold it with my loving arms.  here in my arms we can find ourselves again.  we are nature and nature is us and we will see the way.  we will envision a new world.  we will find each other dancing in the cool blue-green moon shadow world.  we will embrace.  the only problem is first to see what the world is.  see the system.  see your approval.  see the inability to get around it.  and a new life will bloom out of the muck.  this is the way of nature.  things are born.  they bloom.  the whither.  decay.  death.  mounds of rotten earth.  out of the mud will rise new life.  new colors.  strange dreams alive in our eyes.  we are the world and the world will find itself through our hearts.  we must see.  we must begin.  let us turn towards the sun and stand singing heart songs sideways tongues flailing.  love, charles. love"  he said this and then they wheeled him away in his white overalls.  as they rounded the corner, i saw him smiling looking at something stuck to the wall of the asylum.

i open my eyes and see such beauty beyond words, feel strange and inept when i try to utter my heart song.  can't come close.  let us remember this beauty.  how dark and cold the world can be when we are caught up in the games of winning approval and acclaim.  accomplishments come and go.  flesh returns to earth.  dust is pulled up again into form and covers the earth as fertile fields for new life.  all around us.  within you.  without you.  it is here and nothing can be done to return for we have never been apart.  all there is to do is to remember.  life is whole.  is there a division between the sprawling world of nature and the concrete world of man?  is life cut up into little pieces?  ah, no, we know better.  we know this is merely an illusion.  part of the design which provides means of forgetting which creates the need to remember.  remember what?  remember life is sacred and whole.  nothing outside of life.  life is all.  no-life, or "death" is part of this magical creation.  or should i say, magical existence.  creation calls to mind the beginning of something, when in truth there is no beginning and there is no end.  there is the cycle.  endless cycle of the rise and fall of form.  form meaning these things of the universe which come to pass, such as stars and planets, life forms and inanimate objects.  there is an animating force beyond form which we call energy.  we could call it purple jello or starberry balloons for it is truly beyond understanding.  in fact, life in all its million manifestations is truly beyond comprehension.  to remind ourselves daily of this mystery and gift and magic is necessary in this world of forgetting.  we have forgotten we are part of this Sacred Movement of Life.  can you see when you open your eyes?  can you see it?  can you feel it within you?  do you know what it is?  can you hear me in your heart as i communicate this to you.  i am speaking to the world within you that has been ignored in modern times.  this life is magic.  why is it here?  how is it here?  can you remember every day that you are part of this sacred movement of life?  there is no one to blame for this great forgetting.  forgetting our nature as holy members of sacred life is part of the cosmic dance.  no one is to blame.  it is part of the design.  to suddenly remember this Gift of Life is Precious is the beauty of life itself.  let us not blame ourselves or others, generations past and present.  let us remind ourselves daily of our gift.  let us not toil amongst ourselves, fighting, lashing out, bitter blood boiling to burst.  it is ok.  it is alright.  we are moving forwards, not backwards.  we are remembering.  we will become whole again and we will make such a beautiful world for ourselves because we will also remember our great suffering which arose from our great forgetting and we shall know to avoid forgetting by consciously reminding ourselves daily of the sacred nature of Life.  forgetting this Sacred Holy Life is suffering.  yet, holy life is all there is.  no one and no thing are outside of this Sacred Life.  can you see?  can you feel the truth being written here?  how does this resonate with you?  can you feel your powerful true nature beginning to awaken?  can you sense the magic within you without you?  We Are Alive.  Rejoice.  Remember.  Return.

i went to see Lovey and he said, "hi there.  how are you today?  i am doing well.  I am listening to "Blonde On Blonde" the Bob Dylan album.  pretty good stuff.  ever heard of him?  i have read a few good books in the last couple weeks.  the first was "New Earth" by Eckhart Tolle.  dang yo, very good.  it redefines spiritual writing in my opinion.  the next book i read was "Ishmael" by Daniel Quinn.  It's about a gorilla who teaches about humanity and the history and potential future of the planet.  very good.  both of these books changed my view of life in a fundamental way.  somehow i had never seen society in the way Daniel Quinn's character Ishmael sees it.  The insight into our common history, how we got to be the way we are, and what we can do now to bring about a meaningful future, is eye opening to say the least.  i highly recommend reading "Ishmael" it might change your view of the world for the better.  after that i read the sequel to "Ishmael" called "My Ishmael" in which Ishmael has a different pupil, a twelve year old girl, in fact.  Quinn makes interesting observations on human nature and the structure of society, although i much prefer the original book.  however, i found myself drawn to Quinn's vision of the world, and so i found another one of his books called "The Story of B" about a religious figure sent to investigate the alleged Antichrist.  i am almost finished with it and i'm enjoying it more than "My Ishmael" and this book too offers interesting insights into the life of the world.  i like, i like.  anyhoo.  reading is fun fun fun!  if you're not much of a reader, i suggest finding a book that interests you, because it really does engage the mind and a good book can be a teacher.  anyhow.  life is good."  that's what he said, and then he said, "Charles, i appreciate you coming to visit me here.  it's not so bad being locked up with a bunch of quote unquote lunatics."  and i said, "Lovey, you are my half brother, and i like the listen to your musings.  i'll be back next wednesday at three."

Salvador Sally walks into a bar says, "May i have some cheese please?"  Bartender Harrold looks at him sideways says, "Would you like that in a glass?"  Salvador says, "Sure," then pauses briefly and says, "You heard about Liver Chunks?"  "No, can't say that I have," says Harrold, "When I was kid I chipped my front teeth on the back door at Lester's house so now I can't say words with a C-H sound in them."  Salvador looks up from his glass of warm cheese and says, "Oh yeah, but not out loud,"  "What?" asks Harrold.  "What?" asks Sally.  "You just said 'but not out loud'" "You're right, I did say that, but I guess I didn't mean to."  "Oh, so that's why you said 'but not out loud?' cause you didn't mean to say 'oh yeah' out loud?" says Harrold.  "Yeah, I guess I was just meaning to think that 'oh yeah' to myself and then I heard myself say 'oh yeah' but I hadn't meant to say it out loud, and then I said,"  "Did you talk to Fredrickson last night?"  "No."  "No?"  "No.  Wait, yes I did, yes I did."  Salvador stopped to take a slow sip of cheese.  "Well," prompted Harrold.  "Well?" replied Sally.  "Well, what did she say?"  "Oh she said the other day she was reading a book about fry shopping but she couldn't remember how it ended."  "Fry shopping?"  "Yeah, she said it was like, a guide to help you find the right frying system to use for home cooking."  The billiard balls cracked together and someone shouted, "Oh yea, boy!"  "So that's like, a self-help book about frying and whatnot?"  "Yeah," said Sally.  "Gotcha," said Harrold.  They both turned away to break the connection and then his alarm went off and he woke up, put on a shirt and suspenders, walked out onto the porch when he suddenly realized his pants were slung over the chair from last night's late game of strip solitaire.

The End

-C

how does it feel right now to sit where you are?  can you feel the bottom of your feet?  can you sense the subtle vibration inside your hands?  if you slowly start noticing your body and what it feels like from the inside, you might notice something quite magical is taking place.  if you close your eyes and feel the aliveness inside of you, it will intensify and slowly you will become aware of the most beautiful sensation.  it is like a slow and steady orgasm.  right here.  right now.  it is in you.  it is more beautiful than a purple sun setting into the blue-green sea.  can you notice the feeling?  at first, it might be so subtle you're not sure what to look for, but the more you focus on it, the more you will start to see what is truly there all the time.  the feeling of being alive.  this moment here inside your skin is bliss.  feel it.  can you feel your face and the tension you have stored under your eyes?  can you relax your skin?  can you feel that your nose is slightly colder than the rest of your face?  how bout them eyeballs.  pretty funky, no?  as i begin to notice my being, i am transported to a different realm.  a realm of right here right now ecstatic presence of being.  it is here.  it is there all the while as we drift through our days without a sense of purpose, furious at one another for getting in the way or holding each other back.  holding each other back from what?  from climbing the corporate ladder?  from getting the attention from the boy or girl of our desire?  from getting the house or the car?  from getting respect?  and what are these things that we believe to be so important?  status?  self-esteem?  love?  if you acquire the things you seek, do they fulfill the empty feeling within?  or does that feeling return shortly after acquisition only to be replaced by more wanting, more searching, more emptiness? have you ever stopped to think about this cycle of inevitable suffering?  what is it for?  why do we seek?  what are we looking for?  a positive sense of who we are?  if we let these things define us, what will happen when they fade away, as all things naturally do?  all the roles we play will come to an end.  all the imagined success and all the bitter failure.  all this comes to pass as the stars disappear into the blue morning sky and the sun sinks beneath the hills for the moon to ascend and spin around the earth forever rising forever falling.  all the while, here within us is a feeling which is beyond time.  here in this moment.  close your eyes.  notice your thoughts struggling to bring you back to what is "important."  "i must convince him that he is wrong and i am right."  "i mustn't forget to pay the cell phone bill."  "i am uglier than a charred rhino."  "is it wednesday or september?"  incessant thoughts!  these are not bad thoughts.  they are merely the struggle of an unaware entity.  unaware of what you are, thoughts think they can fill up your life with meaning.  but there is no meaning.  there is only being.  you are what you are.  you are ALREADY who you are.  it is here now.  can you feel it?  how does it feel?  beautiful.  beyond words.  a magic hum of electricity.  like an ocean of joy.  here you are.  you have only to pay attention.  my loves.

chris

have you ever stopped to ask yourself, "how am i feelin'?"  what is the reply?  little bit nervous?  little bit frustrated?  have you ever thought, "dang, yo, i'm a pretty cool dude!"  if not, why do you think that is?  are there any things in your life which are causing the discomfort?  decisions you have made?  people you have crossed?  i'm not talking about real life sorrow here, the kind we can't avoid, losing loved ones, and the tears and the pain.  no, i'm talking about how you feel about your SELF.  your conduct.  your actions.  how do you feel right now in this moment?  are you happy with how your life is going?  wish certain things would change?  sometimes, it is nice to check in with ourselves, say, "how you doin', man?  feelin' good?"  chances are, if you stop to ask yourself how things are going and the answer is, "not so good," there might be logical explanations for why you feel distraught.  perhaps it was that piece of banana cheesecake you ate last night at two in the morning.  maybe it was the way you lost your temper with your cousin when she asked if she could borrow your car.  maybe it was something from your childhood which you just can't let go.  most likely, these things are understandable, if we take time to find the root causes of our stress.  for example, maybe you didn't get the right kind of nurturing as a child that you so desperately needed, which made you testy and easily provoked, which made you lash out at the lunch lady, who was working so hard to get by with five kids and two jobs. 

it's natural to feel bad about poor decisions.  although there is usually a clear explanation as to why A led to B which led to C.  do you give yourself a lot of flack?  when you ask yourself, "how am i feelin'?" what is the tone of the voice responding?  do you harshly cut yourself down to size, saying, "what the hell is wrong with me?  why am i like this and that?"  well, i would like to offer respite from the storm.  we are human.  we are still in the midst of our evolution, unaware as to why and how we wound up alive on this lovely strange Earth.  is it not natural for there to be mistakes and mishaps along the way?  shall we beat ourselves up until our dying day for causes beyond our control? 

now, i'm NOT saying if you slay strangers in dark alleys at night that you should let yourself off the hook...but most of us are naturally confused and trying our best, and of course we slip up.  of course we yell and lose control.  of course.  and so it is that we learn to grow into ourselves and be respectful, caring adults.  ready to hold ourselves accountable.  but in order to hold ourselves accountable without self-destructive criticism, it may be important that we make peace with our past and see clearly how we become who we are.  if we can see the simple equation of our lives, chances are, we will ease up in our critical self-controlling thoughts.  we will allow ourselves the room to fuck up, and fix it from there.  there is always time to repair. 

so, i ask you, "how you feelin'?"  i would like to be the first to say, "i think you're doing pretty darn well."  and if you're not feeling so hot about yourself, why do you think that is so?  can you see clearly why you are what you are?  can you give yourself a break?  are there a few people you feel the need to apologize to?  ok, well, simple enough.  write them a letter.  better yet, write yourself a letter first.  make peace with yourself.  the rest will fall naturally into place.  i think you're doing a great job.  try not to fret.  or fret not to try.  either way, time shall march on.  best wishes, fellow friends!

chris

when things get tough, people say, "look on the bright side.  life is beautiful.  it is fleeting.  don't dwell on the dark side of reality."  and i say, "sure, you definitely have a point."  and then i notice that i am struggling against a natural flow.  sometimes, life actually is hard.  and when we force ourselves to see only the positive, we are cutting ourselves off from nature.  decay is natural.  we want to avoid decay at all costs.  i would like to say, "yes!"  yes, decay, i shall face you first and foremost.  when i feel the struggle to convince myself to stay positive, to stay happy, i can feel my energy rapidly depleting.  perhaps when i notice this struggle, it is a sign that i am fighting against my true nature.  perhaps what we must do first is to acknowledge the pain.  let it in.  try our best to feel the pain, to hold the hurt.  to understand why and how it arises.  is it really so bad to be down and out?  perhaps if we allow ourselves the space to feel like shit from time to time, we can actually navigate through the walls of hurt and emerge on the other side a truly positive individual.  i fear that the struggle to control our emotions is the root to all violence.  can you feel it?  can you feel yourself struggling to stay upstream?  do you feel uncomfortable when those around you are hurting?  can you feel how exhausting this is?  perhaps the real challenge is not to convince ourselves and others to be positive, but to allow ourselves time to grow a capacity to hold the pain.  for when we fight against the pain, we are fighting against something real.  when something unfortunate occurs in our lives, are there not countless friends telling us to look on the bright side?  is this possible?  or can we comfortably exist in the full spectrum of human emotion?  can you sit with your pain?  do you squirm?  do you struggle?  are you tired?  i too am tired of turning away from the pain.  once we face the pain, it becomes like smoke in the air, swirling around and dissipating and finally vanishing.  when it inevitably comes again, we sit.  we breathe.  we notice ourselves struggling to control the feeling.  this is a natural process.  of course we turn away from the pain.  it hurts!  but to grow, to truly evolve and understand our nature and to grow a capacity for compassion, we must learn to be with our feelings, no matter what they might be.  let us not fight ourselves.  let us find the strength to breathe through the tears.  through the struggle.  i care so much about this world.  i see us afraid.  i see us in turmoil.  can you see it on the faces of the people who pass you by on the street?  can you feel their pain?  the lines along my face grow deep with distress.  but to be present with the feelings, to be aware of the flow of emotions, is the greatest challenge.  if we can face the fear, the struggle, the hurt, and hold it and accept it through understanding, we can evolve into the magical beings that we are.  this is our true nature.  we are children of the stars.  we are alone together.  to find ourselves.  to feel ourselves.  to be human.  to be what we are.  i wish you the strength to survive.  your friend, chris.

hello.  i am listening to the birds.  every once in a while a jet flies over head and it sounds like the ocean.  when i woke, the sunlight was orange against the pump house out back.  it is now liquid yellow.  very nice.  i ate a fruit which was like a pear mixed with a plum but i don't know what it's called.  it's arbitrary anyway, as words are not what things are.  all i know is, shit was good.  last night, i watched part one of the john adams mini series, which was on HBO not too long ago.  david told me about it.  checking it out.  it's interesting that this country was founded by dudes who felt oppressed by the wealthy elite ruling class.  it struck me as ironic, since the country has since degenerated back into the haves and the have-nots (if it ever was such a utopia at all).  although, i suppose that is the story of human history.  i wondered, will this ever change?  has it ever been different? are we able to share?  really share?  i know for a fact that we don't need to eat as much as we eat.  in this country alone, if we were to cut portions of food down by two-thirds, we could feed the whole world.  people really do starve out there.  here i am nibbling on a tiny strange fruit.  so it goes.  being aware of these things helps me make better choices.  do i buy a big bag of apples and eat half while the rest rotts?  or can i get by on an apple a day?  water.  maybe a carrot here and there.  nuts?  you know the funniest thing about food in this country is that there are too many empty calories.  pretty much anything that comes out of a box or is sealed in a plastic bag has little or no nutritional value, which means your body is going to signal hunger more quickly after you eat, because it's not getting nutrients.  so you keep eating and eating.  i too am a victim of the american food machine.  although in the last year i have been consciously feeding myself natural foods which the earth provides out of the goodness of it's soil/heart.  these foods are much more sustaining than a veggie burger from the freezer.  you don't need to eat as much, which is much better for the world at large, since there is a tremendous food shortage.  try it out.  try eating fruits, nuts, and vegetables for a while.  see how good you feel.  you will not be constantly hungry.  or perhaps you will, in which case, eat more fruit.  i think about this sometimes, hearing about starving nations.  little children who can't eat cause there's no food around.  and it's an issue here in america because we overeat which naturally depletes the food supply.  but the funny thing is, if you eat foods that your body appreciates, it doesn't holler at you for more.  this is a strange tangent.  but an important one.  food and water will become a critical issue in the years to come.  as of now, there is little education about food in this country.  but we will learn, even if it's out of necessity.  try eating a bag of grapes.  eat just grapes for a day.  see how you feel.  if it doesn't work out, go back to your artery clogging quarter pounder with cheese.  if you think about it, it is quite obvious.  this small choice can have a great impact.  not only on the world at large, but on our bodies, which are our minds, which are the world.  it is a nice convenient circle.  if we take care or ourselves, we take care of the world.  if we all make decisions based on how they affect the world at large, at the very least, our conscious awareness will be making the world a better place.  being aware of ourselves, being aware of our neighbors and loved ones, seeing through the eyes of the sun.  this can change the world.  i love you.  hope you eat an apple today!

love!

hi!  i gotta admit, the new cheetos commercials are awesome.  the cat tells people to perform terrible pranks, like stuffing cheetos in a dude's nose cause he's snoring on a plane.  kinda awesome.  cheetos, in and of themselves...evil.  commercial...crucial.  i haven't emailed in like a week, cause i've been hanging on the east coast with my old buddies from high school.  we had our ten year high school reunion this past saturday in princeton, new jersey.  it was so much fun.  it's neat how things feel just like they did the day we graduated, even though some of us haven't seen each other since that day in 1998.  i was thinking back on that day and remembering how ambivalent we all felt.  happy to move on, sad to say goodbye.  bryan newman was there.  i love that man.  i feel blessed to have been brought up in the same location, where we could bond and connect about feeling ostracized at school and find solace in the punk scene around us.  growing up in new jersey was awesome.  i can't help feeling like some of that was the wonderful friends and schoolmates i grew up with.  new jersey is just like any other state, some of it's awesome and full of action, and some of it howls in the passing wind.  i remembered bryan and i being so excited at graduation, knowing that two weeks later we would go on our first national tour.  what lucky 18 year olds, huh.  so wonderful.  i really just feel so lucky for this beautiful life.  and you guys are more than icing on that ass.  that ass is a layered cake.  three tiers of icing.  so thank you.  tanky tanky.  and you know what?  i think i am actually in love with barrack obama.  it's the strangest thing, i spontaneously come to tears every time he gives one of those "we can pull together and make this work" speeches.  he is truly inspiring to me.  this world is at odds.  but we're all neighbors.  there is no one apart from us on this planet.  just us.  if there were some other semi-human species here, trying to kick our asses, we would easily band together and feel the love and protect ourselves...together.  hey, i know i'm a hippy.  i don't like granola, but i like you.  and you.  and you.  all a ya.  we will fade under the spinning stars and then we're gone.  we're gone!  and for now, things feel like they're looking up.  perhaps we have a nice sunrise in our future.  THE SUN ALSO RISES, is what i like to say to my pessimistic cohorts.  when the world seems so cold and there's nowhere to turn, i still look up at the stars and the gorgeous bone-white full moon, and i feel such love.  such joy.  i know we are together.  i know i sound funky at times.  but i really don't care.  i grew up with such promise and so many highly engaged individuals, that my optimism abounds.  it reaches out.  it wants to grab you and hold you.  i will lift you up and hug you so hard it cracks a rib...and hopefully barrack is in office at that point and we all have health care (hehe).  so shit man.  i just wanted to say hi.  i'm sitting in the hotel in philly.  waiting to fly out tomorrow morning.  i wanted to say hi cause i miss you and i hope you are feeling fine and hopeful.  sometimes it's hard, huh!  love ya.  miss ya.  feel ya.  need ya.  bye!

chris

sitting here on the bus.  day off.  minneapolis is nice and quiet where we are.  i was just noticing the trees swaying softly outside.  it's funny, if i didn't know it was the wind moving them, it looks like they're dancing.  so happy.  just hanging out.  losing leaves.  making new leaves.  churning out the oxygen.  dancing.  i love this world.  so confusing sometimes.  here we are all together in outer space, but we don't really talk about it.  we just carry on with our day.  go to work.  try to occupy ourselves in the empty hours.  wishing for more.  wanting more.  wanting to feel complete.  to be whole again, like in our distant memories we can somehow remember a better time.  a better world.  a world we share.  why are we pitted against each other?  why are we thirsty for recognition and irritated when ignored.  we are here together.  off in the distance i see a totem pole beside some dying trees.  the totem pole is not painted.  just carved tree.  years from now no one will remember what happened here on Earth.  in a million years, there will be no trace of our little lives.  what are we doing fighting?  what are we doing killing each other?  cutting each other down with words.  why aren't you more like him?  why don't you act more like her?  do we ever wonder why?  why do we need to be right?  why can't we accept the humanity of others?  the pain.  the joy.  all the while, the trees are dancing.  i love you.  we will make it through.
chris

sup dawgiostasis!  I LOVE YOU!  you are special.  do you ever think about that?  i was watching a movie the other day which started with one of those outer space shots where it zooms all the way into an animals eyeball sitting on planet Earth.  dang yo.  so nutty.  we are actually alive in this vast intergalactic hangout.  so strange!  so beautiful!  and how odd is it that at this moment in human evolution, we are at war!  ha!  i mean, not "ha!" but holy cow!  this is nutty.  here we are, alive in the cosmos.  all alone together.  we are friends.  we are all in this together.  picking apples and planting seeds.  how odd is it that we hate each other?  well, i just want you to know that i love you.  i love everything about you.  i love that we are different.  i love that we are here.  forever wondering why why why did it all begin?  what the applejacks!  so insane.  outer space, man.  what is it!?!  what the dr. jones!  i am in love.  i am in awe.  so painful.  so treacherous.  so dynamic and explosive.  so boring, sure, sometimes, boring boring boring.  so EVERYTHING!  i mean, that's really what it is, i suppose...EVERYTHING.  it's everything.  it's here.  it's there.  it is wherever you are and wherever i am.  and it is you and it is me.  this cosmos.  i wish i could give you my eyes and lift you up to the sun, and when you come back down, we would embrace and hold hands and run and roll in the grass.  and we would share.  above all else, we would share.  we would know that to take care of you is to take care of me.  and we would not squander this existence.  we would see very clearly that we are here now but it is not forever.  we have this brief time.  our organs can only be sustained for such a brief period of time.  and then, poof!  lights out.  for, what are we but the electrical current and communication between our vital organs?  is there a you which exists without those precious organs???  hmm....i guess we can't know, but to apply logic we see quite clearly that we are our bodies.  yup.  kidneys and collarbones and fifteen folds in the heart.  and i love you!  here we are.  all together.  all alone.  alone together forever for just a moment.  i love you.  i love you.  i love you.

chris

lonely nights

the end

the choke

what went wrong

cars & calories

can't stay the same

delusional

freakish

monkey

getaway

holly hox, forget me nots

all i'm losing is me

rise

the last lie i told

a drag in d flat

hell is here

kaleidoscope

encore:

jukebox breakdown

hold

through being cool

lonely nights

see you

through being cool

always ten feet tall

driving in the dark

shattered

radio

jukebox breakdown

eulogy

in reverie

when i'm not there

nightingale

34

stay

rocks tonic juice magic

i'm sorry i'm leaving

tomorrow too late

encore:

you vandal

sell my old clothes, i'm off to heaven

ups & downs

holly hox, forget me nots

anywhere with you

see you

kaleidoscope

head for the hills

jukebox breakdown

where are you?

get fucked up

morning in the moonlight

as your ghost takes flight

delusional

getaway

sometimes, new jersey

sound the alarm

a drag in d flat

radio

you vandal

encore:

sell my old clothes

always ten feet tall

rocks tonic juice magic

through being cool

sometimes, new jersey

sell my old clothes, i'm off to heaven

all-star me

you vandal

always ten feet tall

holly hox, forget me nots

hold

the last lie i told

shoulder to the wheel

handsome boy

my sweet fracture

a drag in d flat

east coast

rocks tonic juice magic

the choke

i'm sorry i'm leaving

encore:

3 Miles Down

Deciding

Ups & Downs

Jessie & My Whetstone

Take Our Cars Now

at your funeral

see you

cars & calories

certain tragedy

jukebox breakdown

freaksih

as your ghost takes flight

all i'm losing is me

this is not an exit

firefly

you vandal

bones

can't stay the same

anywhere with you

encore:

lonely nights

always ten feet tall

through being cool

ups & downs

under the boards

radio

see you

you vandal

handsome boy

when i'm not there

driving in the dark

the end

nightingale

getaway

a drag in d flat

34

rise

kaleidoscope

certain tragedy

head for the hills

encore:

rocks tonic juice magic

ups & downs

at your funeral

lonely nights

always ten feet tall

anywhere with you

bones

you vandal

hold

can't stay the same

shattered

monkey

jukebox breakdown

delusional

where are you?

get fucked up

the last lie i told

see you

encore:

sell my old clothes, i'm off to heaven

through being cool

ups & downs

at your funeral

lonely nights

bones

through being cool

in my waking life

can't stay the same

see you

the choke

head for the hills

get fucked up

monkey

all i'm losing is me

34

when i'm not there

in reverie

all-star me

encore:

kaleidoscope

hell is here

lonely nights

say you'll never leave

cars & calories

monkey

under the boards

radio

sometimes, new jersey

jukebox breakdown

my sweet fracture

driving in the dark

shattered

stay

nightingale

sound the alarm

shoulder to the wheel

encore:

i'm sorry i'm leaving

anywhere with you

you vandal

lonely nights

holly hox, forget me nots

morning in the moonlight

always ten feet tall

when i'm not there

the end

a drag in d flat

certain tragedy

can't stay the same

where are you?

34

jukebox breakdown

get fucked up

delusional

tomorrow too late

encore:

you vandal

sell my old clothes, i'm off to heaven

this is not an exit

at your funeral

under the boards

radio

see you

the last lie i told

handsome boy

bones

rise

nightingale

getaway

shattered

in reverie

through being cool

don't know why

in my waking life

kaleidoscope

encore:

you vandal

hold

ups & downs

lonely nights

the choke

driving in the dark

34

jukebox breakdown

can't stay the same

my sweet fracture

freakish

a drag in d flat

when i'm not there

where are you?

sound the alarm

rocks tonic juice magic

what went wrong

hell is here

encore:

stay

ups & downs

hey everyone, i'll be sending emails from savestheday.com from now on, and i wanted to check to see that it's working.  so if you get this, email me back to let me know you're out there.  we love you!

chris

at your funeral

the end

anywhere with you

you vandal

can't stay the same

jukebox breakdown

eulogy

shoulder to the wheel

firefly

ups & downs

jukebox breakdown

can't stay the same

anywhere with you

you vandal

eulogy

stay

where are you?

at your funeral

sound the alarm

kaleidoscope

ups & downs

morning in the moonlight

all-star me

34

getaway

encore:

sell my old clothes, i'm off to heaven

firefly

lonely nights

through being cool

the choke

a drag in d flat

east coast

as your ghost takes flight

the end

driving in the dark

can't stay the same

jukebox breakdown

bones

get fucked up

see you

kaleidoscope

tomorrow too late

encore:

nightingale

you vandal

ups & downs

because you are no other

morning In the moonlight

this is not an exit

shattered

get fucked up

handsome boy

my sweet fracture

east coast

bye bye baby

delusional

nightingale

don't know why

when i'm not there

the last lie i told

rise

at your funeral

encore:

through being cool

hold

lonely nights
the choke
the end
anywhere with you
jukebox breakdown
shoulder to the wheel
can't stay the same
driving in the dark
freakish
sound the alarm
stay
in my waking life
holly hox, forget me nots
bones
kaleidoscope

encore:
ups & downs
at your funeral

lonely nights
all-star me
what went wrong
sometimes, new jersey
see you
eulogy
hold
under the boards
radio
certain tragedy
through being cool
in reverie
diseased
as your ghost takes flight
where are you?

encore:
can't stay the same
sell my old clothes, i'm off to heaven

lonely nights
jukebox breakdown
a drag in d flat
say you'll never leave
my sweet fracture
always ten feet tall
rise
nightingale
kaleidoscope
i'm sorry i'm leaving
shattered
rocks tonic juice magic
cars & calories
can't stay the same
tomorrow too late

encore:

you vandal

ups & downs

lonely nights
morning in the moonlight
bones
handsome boy
all i'm losing is me
hold
all-star me
stay
in my waking life
shattered
certain tragedy
you vandal
get fucked up
sound the alarm
sell my old clothes

encore:

holly hox
hell is here

under the boards
the choke
the end
anywhere with you
see you
through being cool
when i'm not there
where are you?
drag in d flat
jukebox breakdown
shoulder to the wheel
34
driving in the dark
kaliedoscope
firefly

encore:

ups & downs

at your funeral

carrots & humus.... so good.

SteveZ

SteveZ

Sent from my iPhone

hi!  i wanted to thank all of you who sent me birthday greetings!  it feels really nice to get your emails.  thank you thank you.  now i am 28 although that doesn't really feel different.  it feels younger than it appeared from afar.  perhaps that is always the way it goes, even when you turn 80.  you still you.  one more trip round the spiral track right back to where i began.  the stars were quite gorgeous last night.  sometimes, i am inside all night long and never see the stars.  last night as i walked out to the studio, i couldn't help but be struck by their beauty.  they are so far away yet right here burned in my eyes.  like starry memories.  i stopped to think how we're floating in space, without a clue as to why or what we are to do.  and i feel for planet earth right now, cause we are quite confused and we tend to be short and irritable with each other since we have this nagging empty incomplete feeling inside, like "what am i doing here, really, and what's the point if it all fades away."  and i totally get that.  i understand our empty feeling.  and it makes sense.  i do not feel bad about it, i just feel for us.  we do not know what we are to do.  no matter!  we are figuring out what feels good and what feels bad.  if you ask me, we will soon know that it feels better to share.  it feels better to help.  it feels better to love ourselves.  and then we see how similar we are to others...and then we love them.  and that feels the best....i love you.  i know you are doing your best to carry on and create a wonderful life for yourself.  another year.  another step closer to filling the gaps.  see you soon!
chris

Sunday Fun Day!  Today I went to the park.  What a beautiful day.  I rolled in the grass.  The clouds were thin, not really shapes, just wisps.  So I'm excited about the videos you guys are sending in to help us with our Under The Boards video project.  In case you haven't read the post yet, we are trying to make a music video for each song on our new album Under The Boards and we thought it would be super cool to get you guys involved by having y'all send in cool video footage for us to assemble into music videos to be posted on the internet.  Sounds like fun to me, and so far we've been getting really cool stuff!  Some videos are totally random and that's even more cool!  So, if you have any videos laying around of you and your friends or Saves The Day or just whatever, please send it in to this email address.  Sweet.  Hope y'all are doing well.  Enjoy your Sunday Fun Day!  Bye!
chris

yo sup.  i'm chillin' in my robe.  there's lots of blue in the sky today.  can't see no clouds.  sweet.  i think i'll go to the park and ponder the beauty of it all.  the other day i was at the park and i picked up a branch that had fallen.  when i looked closer there was moss growing all over the branch.  it seemed like prehistoric life sprawling along the limb.  rooted somewhere in the meat of the branch, life forms sprung up from the depths.  the plants all around explode out of the ground, reaching for the sun.  searching for water.  oh, and the best thought popped into my head while I walked... you know how we breathe in oxygen and exhale carbon dioxide?  well, i suddenly remembered learning that plants "breathe" in our carbon dioxide emissions, and utilize them to create sugar and grow tall and strong.  in the process, the waste they create and expel from their bodies is oxygen! and then in turn, we eat the sugar and breathe the oxygen that plants create, and it's this one big happy cycle of family fun.  isn't that nutty?  essentially, we breathe in what they breathe out and they breathe in what we breathe out.  fancy huh!?!  pretty cool.  life is wild, man.  it's hilarious and tragic that we worry about the cell phones and credit cards.  there is magic here.  and it is real.  love you!
chris

hey everyone.  i'm in the las vegas airport with a half hour till my flight.  thought i'd write to you and say what's up.  i spent $7 at the wheel of fortune slots.  nothin' doin'.  and now i am here at the little wifi hub to send out my love into the world.  we are working on a bunch of really exciting things right now, such as Bug Sessions, and Websites, and Master Set Lists.  Good times.  I just had a black bean burger at chili's...pretty good.  i also had a double gin & tonic, but that's another story.  so, hopefully we will see some of you tomorrow at the rutgers gig.  and to everyone else, hope you have a nice weekend.  thanks to all of you emailing us to join our mailing list.  this is fun to be able to reach out and say hi!  love you.
chris

you guys are so cool.  and the videos and pictures we've been getting for our UNDER THE BOARDS video project are totally amazing and perfect for the project.  We're really excited about it.  In a day and age when bands spend hundreds of thousands of dollars to make themselves seem famous, we just want to work with YOU!  Cause it's more fun.  (And fame can go fuck itself...we're all human; )  Anyhow, another thing is that the Mac server only let's me send out 400 emails a day, and our list is steadily growing, so y'all won't be getting daily emails, since I have to split up the load between different days.  hopefully it'll be fixed in the future and i can send tons of emails without restriction.  but if you guys want to forward the emails you do receive on to other Saves The Day fans that you know, please help us spread our love.  we are so excited about the Bamboozle Road Show 2008.  It's gonna rock.  I've been emailing with some of you to let you know we're working on a 70 SONG SET LIST to pick from each night, to ensure each show is unique and special, instead of the same set over and over every night.  we thought it's time to change it up and play lots and lots of STD songs and make sure the sets are different in each city.  So that's something to look forward to.  I also have really exciting news which I can't share just yet, but it might have something to do with a certain Bug and a certain Sessions and perhaps involves more than one Volume!  Can you guess what I'm talking about!?!  Anyhow, i'm really stoked.  So, just to reiterate, we can't send too many emails due to server restrictions, but we're working on that.  in the meantime, if you get an email from savesthedaymusic@mac.com please forward it to your friends!  Ok bye!  oh yeah...I LOVE YOU!

your one and only,
chris

home from rutgers.  such a good show.  saves the day has the best fans in the whole world.  lucky beans.  so, it's rainy, but the sun also rises and i was thinking of you and want you to know that there is goodness in the sweet peach of life.  thanks for listening!
chris

Hey guys, we're getting really excited for the Bamboozle tour with Armor For Sleep, Set Your Goals, Metro Station, and other special guests! We just had a brainstorm and came up with a 70 SONG MASTER LIST for us to pick from each night on tour. That means, each show will be entirely different from the last, ensuring more unique live shows and more fun for everyone. We've got songs on the list that go all the way back to the Saves The Day demo, with songs like "East Coast", and "When It Isn't Like It Should Be" and we're really looking forward to playing new songs from UNDER THE BOARDS. So, just wanted to share the excitement. I've been rehearsing songs that we haven't played in years, like "Jukebox Breakdown", "A Drag In D Flat" and "Sometimes, New Jersey" It's really fun. So, hopefully you guys can come and check out the Bamboozle Road Show when we swing through a town near you! Love ya! Bye!
chris

member back in the day? all that shit from when we was kids? member that? sometimes, the memories are so warm that it hurts. like, here we are, constantly moving along down the stream, watching days turn into years, and all of a sudden you look back and realize, wow...they're gone. The days. The faces. The houses. The things. All the things. It's like, I love my life, and I thank the Universe for my brief chance at living. And at the same time, it hurts. Life seems to be one long chain of loss. And it is. Everything's gotta go. And it's like, well...what's the point? What's the point if all we're promised is an early grave. Boy, the weight of existence, the unbearable impermanence of things....shit is intense. It is mother fucking hard to get through. Everything we love. All the things that make you warm inside. We must say goodbye. And sometimes I just think, why? What is this? Are we here to watch everything die? And isn't all of this true and unavoidable? Well, it sure seems depressing as all get-out. I swing wildly back and forth between feeling Thanks for my time on Earth, and being crippled by fear of death and loss. One thing is for sure: I am in Awe. This creation is startling in its beauty. It is so fragile. And the promise of death...the promise of suffering...is just so hard to bear. This is how I feel sometimes. SOMETIMES, thank God, and not always, or I might not be here anymore. But it seems to me that this is the crux. This is the key. Can we carry on in this Life in the face of coming death? Can we possibly crack a smile, knowing we will lose all that we love? Is this ultimately the challenge we are faced with here on Earth? Can we carry on? The latin name for man is homo sapien-sapien, which means "the man who knows that he knows." To me, this is the definition of the human existence, and simultaneously our common challenge. We are a species which knows that it is alive. Being aware of our existence, we are aware of our coming death. With the knowledge that our lives are fleeting, death close on our heels, how do we find the strength and motivation to live our lives and make the most of our precious time on Earth. This is the Life. It's ours for the taking. Death is a simple fact. We're all in this sinking ship. Here it is. And you know what I'm starting to think? Since Life is bound to be a bummer at some point in time for everyone on Earth, could it be that the real challenge is to keep your head up in the midst of the shit storm. Perhaps this is the hardest task in the Universe. To keep your head up, in the face of a life of pain and loss, is quite possibly the most heroic task of all. I wish us all the most luck and strength in this challenge. What lies ahead will surely be hard. So let's keep on livin' and show Life we ain't gonna let Death keep us down!

When I was a kid, I remember asking my parents if the moon was following me around. It seemed to be my friend, or someone watching over me. This is how I felt. I was in the back seat staring at the moon through the trees. Tall grass reaching up to the clouds. I miss the world from my little-kid-point-of-view. Seemed more magical. Not that it's any less magical now, but the beautiful little-kid-wonder is blurred and burried. But I'm gonna go digging. This is my gold. Where my heart is open and excited and not afraid. And it's like, I have to kinda uncover that pure, lovely kid-ness again. It's a mission. I know it's in there. The funky "adult" world is delusional. People pretending they're not scared-out-of-their-minds. Bills. Insurance. Taxes. Reputation. Expectations. It's like, hmm....we're floating on this giant orb in "outer space" (whatever THAT is), and there's colors and feelings and tastes and smells and dang, THE MOON IS FOLLOWING YOU AROUND!!! This shit is AMAZING...but we're worried about the bills??? Shit! I hate money! I know this is insanely "naive" but, if the Earth makes all the food and material for shelter and clothing for FREE, who's paying who for what???? Well, anyhow, this is my little-kid buggin' out about the "grown ups". Cuz they just don't get it. Werd.

you know i was just thinking how cool it is that stuff grows. the hair on my head is growing. where is it coming from? it's my private lawn upon which the birds may perch. it's funny that leaves grow on trees like some strange fur coat. and the grass. that shit's cool. i run. i fall. concrete hurts. grass says, "come here, baby, let me hold you." grass is nice. it grows. no one asks it to grow though, huh? you know what's weird to think about...our bones growing. it's like, wow, bones. i dig bones. sometimes i see people's skeletons under their skin as they're walking along on their way to the dentist. and the music. the music makes my bones get up and boogie! and it's neat, cause even the music grows. any saves the day fan can watch the music grow from year to year as if watching the leaves change while the seasons revolve. i like the music growing. it's funny how i don't direct it but act more as a gentle observer as it twists this way and then oddly that way. it's fun! and it too is growing. like a vine up and around a big fat jungle tree. jungle boogie! i hope to swing from the vine as long as i live. till my growing gives out. so, it's cold where i am. you?

So, y'all been asking bout our new jams over at our new website web.mac.com/savesthedaymusic. We've been hard at work having fun. Finished 13 demos for an upcoming album called "Under The Boards" which will hopefully hit the streets later this year. And we're currently working on other new stuff I can't tell you about yet. But we've got some things in the making. To tell you what it sounds like would be difficult. I can say that it is different. I can say we're having fun making it. I'd call it Boogie From Beyond. Far-Out-Fun. Deranged Lunaspectacular Funk. We'll play loads on tour with Say Anything if you want to hear. But don't worry, we're gonna rock y'all with the old fury first and foremost. If you want to hear new jams, you just ask, we'll bust em out. Werd.

Lisa's Birthday Tape. Everybody's been asking bout Lisa's Birthday Tape. So here's the story. Lisa was a girl who printed T-Shirts at our first record label Equal Vision. She was a big Saves The Day fan at the time. In late 98 (I think) I was asked by Kate from Equal Vision to drive up and play Lisa's birthday barbeque. I said yes. However, I'm a huge flake and I decided the night before the barbeque to bail out so I didn't have to drive three hours up north. It was lame of me, I know. In my guilt I hastily wrote six or seven songs for Lisa and recorded them that night so at least she'd have her own special songs written for her on her birthday by the dude in the band she really liked who was bailing on playing her birthday bash. The next day, Ted, our old guitar player, delivered the tape to Lisa at the barbeque and I hadn't heard anything about any of this ever since. Remembering now, I still feel awful about it. I'm human. I should have gone and played her birthday. But Lisa's Birthday Tape turned out really cool, and I think she was stoked that she got her very own Chris Conley recordings. So hopefully she hasn't held a grudge. It's funny to hear about the tape now, cause I had LONG since forgotten about doing that. Thanks for reminding me about it. Oh! And if anyone wants to email me the recordings, I'd be happy to hear what they sound like. I don't even have a copy and can't remember how the songs go. All I remember is shame (hahaha). Peace out dawgs.

Change. It's good and twisted. Been working on change for a long time. People come unravelled. Things are seen clearly. Tighten and squeeze and release with ease. Haven't blogged in a long while. Been super busy working on new music. Me and David are so stoked about our new songs. Change is apparent. Fun music. It seems that with these new winds from the west, spring comes quickly. Flowers on the trees. Changing leaves to dust to light reflecting sidewalks city streets flow through hills. I have seen the sun silver on the water from red bridges. Halfway to Hell. Sometimes I think to wonder. Sometimes I wonder to think. My God, it's all around us! Inside and outside until there is no inside no outside. A feeling of soft humming as if my bones ablaze. Ever read Tao of Physics? Me neither, but it seems cool. All bodies begin as one cell, the memory of which we retain with a meditative nothingness. Still floating on the sea, or rather, still sewn into the soft electric blue quilt of the web of the world of the One the Universal Song. Cannot help but be a part. NOT apart. Never apart. Always within. No fear. No doubt. All doubt being part of the web of Life. All things. All things so that in fact there are no things but the one multifaceted Thing which is Life. So mysterious. And so the shadows move along the wall, slowly convincing us of change, which we move to discuss with ticks of the clock, minutes, hours, lifetimes. And here we are. I love you. You and I alone.

Bryan Newman is in town. It's fun to see him. Old times. All that. It's funny, it's been ten years since we started Saves The Day. I remember the first time Bryan called me to invite me to come jam with him and Justin Gaylord. This was 1993, eighth grade. Justin and Bryan had been playing music together in Bryan's basement, and they'd bring in tapes of their jam sessions to school to play on a boombox during lunch break. I thought it was cool that they made their own tapes. I was intimidated when Bryan asked me to come play, cuz I had only started playing guitar that summer before eighth grade. So, I was quite green but excited when he asked me to come play. I think the first time I went over there, it was just me and Bryan playing, he on drums, me on guitar and trying to sing. I had stayed up the night before trying to write a song to impress Bryan and Justin. I knew they liked Rage Against The Machine, so I wrote some heavy rock riff, and tried to write rap-style lyrics over the top. It was a song about Tipper Gore and censorship, which I didn't give two shits about, but I thought I needed to impress Bryan and Justin. I remember Bryan laughed about my silly lyrics and he teased me about it for years and years to come! Part of my musical hazing. And after that first time playing together, it seemed there wasn't a weekend that went by without us rocking out in Bryan's basement. So much fun. Little by little, we sort of got better. Started playing "shows" like barbeque brunch at the tennis courts and shit like that. Good times. So, now Bryan's here, chillin'. It's been more than ten years since we first played together. 14 years, huh? Pretty nutty! Werd.

Bloggin'. Haven't blogged in a while. I miss you, Bloggin'. About time. What are you guys doing? I'm drinking coffee. Reading a couple books....Guns, Germs, and Steel AND The Field. They're both really good. Guns, Germs, and Steel is a history of human societies. It's neat. It explores why certain cultures developed violent tendencies and harsh crime punishment and why other cultures remained relatively "simple" and self-sustaining. Essentially, it asks, why did some cultures develope weapons and warcraft and wipe out other non-violent cultures? Pretty cool. Humans are weird, but when you read back in history, shit's kinda followed this predictable arc. I'm not that far into it though. The other book The Field is about the quantum realm and how we interact with it. It's really cool when you learn about it. The dimension of atoms, quarks, and molecules is essentially "listening" to us and responds to our particular energy signatures. Hard to explain. Fascinating. In my opinion, it's kinda scientific proof of Karma, or "what you reap, you sow." After a while, words don't make much sense in this realm. The cool thing is that science is proving what our spiritual anscestors have claimed for ages. Ever seen that movie "What The Bleep Do We Know?" It's like that. Anyhoo, I talk in circles about this stuff. I like the smell of old books. Pages like dust barely holding shape. I also like comics. We watched Ghost Rider last night in the studio. Kinda funny. I like the Muppets too. Sometimes, I'll stop to feel the bottom of my feet. Ever pay attention to stuff like that? There's a lot of magic in this moment. This eternal moment forever changing. Forever in motion. Fun. A nice challenge. Bye.

We are in the presence of Art. Art Is. All That Is is All That Is and All That Is is Art. High Beauty. Do you pay attention? The misery is as miraculous as the moon if you look with the right eyes. Can you see? Do you see it? Right here. Right here. Is it ever not here? If so, where is there? Ha. Fun. Life is fun. Hard fun. Quite a nice game. We die. Therefore, what shall we do in the meantime? What is it? The movement of Life. The eternal motion of change. Unfolding. Much like the clouds roll and loaf. Loaf. That's a fun word. Loaf. Words are strange because they are not the thing. I say Cloud. And we think of that fluffy white thing floating above in the blue. But what is it? Surely not "cloud". Cloud is Art. Humanity is Art. Misery is Art. Life is Art. Gorgeous. So dynamic and fluid and monumental, like the moaning ocean moving. What is it? Why is it? Hmmm.... To be sure, it is here. Do you pay attention? How does it move? It is there within you. Moving. Sometimes we see a sunset like a fat peach over the hills and we are rapt. No time. Then we think of something, "oh why did I say that to him yesterday, so stupid!" and the marvelous sunset is gone and we are in conflict, concern on our brow. Then we squirm, "wait! I want that sunset again! what's wrong with me? I can't pay attention!" Then we try to recapture that moment of beauty. Is this process separate from the imensity of Life? Is this struggle somehow "not meant to be." Or is it here as it is intended? Is there anything removed from Life? The Movement of Life. Here It Is. This Is It. Right Here Right Now. Right? Is it different for you? Is this how your mind works, too? The Extraordinary Movement of Life. Discovering Itself. Unraveling the Mystery. Desperate To Wake Up From The Dream. The Illusion. This Is Art. Art Is. All Is All. Do you think? Do you see? When You See You Will Know And When You Know You Will Watch. Watch What It Is. And All Is. ALL. Can you see it All? There is not a branch bare of leaves on this Tree. All Leaves Are Part Of The Tree. The Fear. The Flight. The Returning. The Rolling Of Life. Like A Wheel Turning On Itself. I Love You.

making an album. almost done. we start mixing today. i'm excited. everything sounds great. we've been working so hard and having a lot of fun. it's gone by really fast. now that we're almost finished, it's kinda sad. i don't want to stop. i don't want to have to say goodbye to marc, eric, david, durijah, manny, and piano fightin' aaron. my heart hangs a bit. to the left. it hangs to the left. i'm also very excited about what we've made. this album is my favorite saves the day album (i feel this way each time we make an album). i can't wait to share it with everyone who cares to listen. we have put so much into this. thirteen songs. lots a sweat. handful of tears. good stuff. i like making music with all these guys. these small words do nothing to capture my true gratitude. i would wind up a windbag if i tried to explain how thankful i am to get to work with all these wonderful human beings. and macha, the dog. (and the cook! wink wink.) it has been an enlightening experience. learned lots. laughed lots. lost my mind in three different phases. whatever that means. so, anyhow. almost done. back to real life. love you.

I like strawberry jam. a lot.